Merry fucking Christmas to me. I apologize for the start of that. But I'm just a tad pissed off and upset. Not cool with my depression.
I suppose I should start at the beginning. So today being Christmas day we spent it with family. Ok great. This year we had it at my brother's and his girlfriend's. Alex loves it there cause he's got Hunter to play with. The two boys get along great. Everything was good. Kids had a blast and got so much crap it wasn't funny. And some of it is literally crap.
As we were opening gifts, my dad had a pile of gifts for everyone to open. Now I love my dad to death, he's my dad, but sometimes I wonder if he did end up getting any brains or what. I swear he just went searching for things, and didn't even pay for it I'm sure. He tends to go around on Garbage nights in neighbourhoods and picks things up. Ok great, but please don't just guess at what you think Alex, your grandson will like, ask me and I can fill you in. He gets him stuff that he'll never wear or use. Like really was it nessesscary to get him a Karate Gi? He isn't in Karate and probably NEVER will be. And the Fire Station thing is cute but really it's more a toy for like a 4 year old, your grandson is 7.
So that's fine we open our gifts and it was good. We had dinner, lot's of joking around at the table. Something got said about me working New Year's Eve and my asshole of a brother pipes up seeming shocked that I had a job. Ok it's one night but I'm still making money. I let it slide. I now feel like shit but I try to ignore it as this is my brother's usual thing.
The night goes on and we're chatting and stuff and something was said. My brother again being the ass that he is, makes a comment and I was pissed. We all think it about him but never say it to him and so I couldn't hold back and I snapped at him "Do you always have to act like you're better than everyone else?" I was that pissed. My mom just told me to stop. Dad wasn't even there and Leo was loading the car to come home. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
So now instead of enjoying the rest of Christmas night I'm feeling like a piece of crap because I can't seem to find a job. I want one but I can't seem to find work. Even after taking courses such as Pet Grooming. So normally I feel like crap, now today I feel even worse. It's not like I'm not trying to get work, I am. But I just can't seem to find something.
I'm not going to go and hide from the world til we have to leave to go to the in laws tomorrow.
