Life.....or something like it.

We all start out as a helpless child, unable to eat without someone feeding us, most cases holding a bottle for us, or if you're a breast fed baby holding a boob.  We grow we learn to do things on our own, using the potty, dressing ourselves and fending for ourselves.  Later still we get older, become a senior and sometimes, we end up reverting back to that first helpless child stage.

Such is the case with my grandfather.  He started out a helpless child, and that's how he's leaving us.  Dealing with Alzheimer's.  I received a text from my brother this afternoon, thinking it was my alarm telling me it was time to get another child off the school bus.  He texted me to see if I was with mom. Right away alarm bells started ringing in my head.  Somethings wrong.  Why would he need to know if I was with my mother at 2:30 in the afternoon?  He then told me that my worst fears were correct.  He told me that my aunt called him to tell him that the nursing home called to call the family there to be with my grandpa. I hadn't heard the news yet and I'm left here in my house on my own.  A million thoughts were racing through my head.  Had no one thought to call me and fill me in? I tried my mom's cell phone and couldn't get through.  It would pick up after one ring and take me straight to voice mail.

My aunt called me then after I had told my brother to tell my aunt to tell  my mom to call me to fill me in.  Maybe it was better when I didn't know.  Apparently grandpa has pneumonia and can't be given anything for it.  They're just trying to keep him comfortable for now. That's all they can do. It's not like they can do much else.  She then told me mom was there with everyone else and had support.  I worry about my mom knowing how she can be.  We've talked about this a billion times and it hasn't made this any easier.

We know it'll be best for him, he won't be suffering or anything and that's what we want. I keep telling myself that the three babies I never got to meet will now have another person to look after them until I can get there and be a mom to them.

I'm trying to get the crying under control before I get Alex off the bus.  I need to be support for him.  It'll be coming down to the wire whether or not I get it under control.

This was him 2 years ago at my uncles out in Alberta.  It was before he got really bad and had to go to the nursing home. 

Grandma and Grandpa this past Christmas. I didn't see him this Christmas.  

Now my next thing is how do I explain everything to my 6 year old so he'll be alright.

This was one Christmas at their house on the highway. We were really young then.