Ian Sommerhalder

So honestly I have no idea what made me do it but I went and downloaded season 4 of Law and Order SVU because there is one episode that he guest starred in.  I found that out from a site that had info on Vampire Diaries all because I was working on getting things ready for a PSL community.

I had to do it.  I think I'm beginning to have a strange obsesssion with him or something.   He was younger when he did SVU of course considering it's like in it's 12th season or something like that but hey he's still the little hottie in it. 

Ok this is quick may come up with something more substantial later but right now I got nothing. :)

Coming to some conclussions

So this week I have come to some conclusions this week.  Mainly a big one that I am apparently expendable.  A friend who I've been Rping with for a little more than a year is a mother. Ok great. I don't begrudge anyone being a parent.  Her kids are in their 20's and one is currently in school.  Great.  She told me this week that because it was his spring break she would spend more time on and we could Rp more.  Great.  I thought.  Considering we don't do it much the rest of the year because she feels the need to write his fucking papers and everything else.  Don't get me wrong I'm all for helping your kids out in school but writing all their work for them, really how's he gonna fucking learn.  It's not like she's gonna be out there holding his hand while he is working. If he doesn't know the stuff now, he's never gonna be able to handle it in the real world? 

Told me this week she'd be on.  She's been on all of two days to Roleplay with.  Just pisses me off at the fact that I was told that Rping would take place this week and it hasn't.

Really pissses me off that everyone that I Rp with  fucks me over.  I have a couple who are on but never RP with.  Or if they do start Rping with me they fuck off and forget about me but they can RP with everyone else.

I'm just trying to figure out why the hell I bother anymore.

A brief abscence

So it's been awhile since I've talked much about music.  Not that I haven't thought about my music of course. :)  But I had taken a break from it since I had wanted the new computer and it worked out that the payments for the computer would be cheaper than my music lessons that usually worked out to just under $100/month and of course that's in Canadian.  So I sort of put the music lessons on hold, still am not back to them yet but that's just cause we don't have the money as yet.

I was doing piano and Violin before I quit.  Well didn't really quit just kind of took a break. I'd been in lessons for like 4 years or something like that without a break so it was due.  Then I broke the shoulder so things were on hold for sure. 

Still haven't actually picked up the violin again and tried it.  Kind of scared to really.  I probably should and try to play it again just to see how the shoulder will hold up.  The piano is a different story.  I'd found a free upright piano, which was cool, but I never got it tuned so I hated to practice on it which meant not really progressing at any significant amount.  Well we got our income tax back and found a digital piano, that never needs tuning, that was a decent price and so Leo bought it! YAY!!! 

Introducing the newest baby of the family.

So now I've been playing the piano each night for about 10 minutes or so and Alex comes into the dining room and bangs on the incredibly out of tune upright while I have my headset on and I'm playing my baby.  Which I just want to add that I put together mostly on my own. :)  WOOT YAY ME!!!!

Overweight

So I was sitting here tonight looking at pictures I have uploaded on Facebook.  I came across pictures of me at one of my riding lessons and realized just how overweight I am.  I have known I'm overweight for a bit but to see just how big I am as I'm riding a horse, I really feel bad for the horses I've ridden.  It's hard to imagine just how much they've dealt with while lugging my fat ass around.

So seeing this, and realizing that I could probably ride a little better without the stomach, I am going to make a concious effort to loose the weight and start eating healthy.  As I sit here writing this, I have a box of Nature Valley granola bars sitting beside me that I have really enjoyed the few that I have had.  I think I'm goig to figure out a way to get a gym membership as well and start going there.  Even if it's just to use a stationary bike or something.  Have to find something that is easy on the knees. 

There is also Fit Booty Camp that I may look into as well.  8 weeks of someone kicking my ass may do me well. :)  Anyway I just thought I'd put this out. 

From this day forward I'm going to make sure I work to loose the weight and that way I'll be in better shape when I go back to riding, if I ever get back to riding.

I'm back.

So after a brief and unexpected, yet totally expected, abscence I am back.  Yes I can't spell. LOL  Anyway.  It's now been a month since having to say good-bye to my loving grandfather, who at the end of his life didn't reconize pretty much anyone.  I've now driven past the cemetary where his ashes are 4 times and it's incredibly hard.  Yesterday I drove past and found myself speeding up to get passed in the one direction, coming back in the other direction I sped up and made sure I wasn't looking.  I had my friend, her two kids and her boyfriend in the car with me.  He told me when we were passed and I could look around me again. 


So haven't had the chance to get out and do any photography as it's still cold and snowy.  I'm so ready for it to be over. Now though I've got two weddings to think about, my nephew on Leo's side of the family and my best friend is FINALLY getting married.  They've booked the church and hall and stuff. Leo is a groomsmen and I'm doing some photography stuff but they are hiring a photographer to do the actual photos. 

So because it's been cold I've picked up the cross-stitch again. I know I should pick up the writing again, though I did start something the other day when I was at the playground, indoor thank god, with Alex.  Anyway here are the four x-stitches I'm going to be working on. 

This is for my best friend and his soon to be wife.  It's going to have their names and the wedding date. 

This is for my Mother In law.  Been trying to do it for ages. 

 

Another I've been trying to do for ages, for my mom. 

And this will be mine.  If I can get the other three done. :)

So next week is the kiddo's march break.  And I was supposed to have a week without him but my mother in law is sick with Shingles, so I have the monkey home with me.  Now to figure out what to do with kiddo that will keep the remaining sanity left in me there where it should be.

Anyway I'm going to leave this and plug my computer back in as the cord just fell out as the kiddo turned. :) 

Ed Steckly

The suffering has ended.  You're not in pain anymore.  You're fishing with your brother and brother in law and eating all the cheezies you want. When it's raining I know it's you and the fish fighting over where the fish gets to go, knowing full well that eventually it will end up in your stomach.  Maybe sauteed in a little butter. 

As I sit here writing this to you, knowing that in just three days we'll be seeing you sleeping peacefully for the first time in a long long time, I think back to all the memories you have given me.  From the visits to you in the house out on the highway, when you would give me extra treats that mom and dad said no to,  Or the nights we had to stay over and we sat quietly watching the news to the fishing trips out on the lake in the boat. 

As a young girl of 12 when mom and dad split, you stepped in and tried to keep things alright and semi normal for David and I.  Taking us out on the boat in the summer at the lake.  Letting us visit with you as much as we could. Taking a special interest in us, two of your grandchildren who didn't have their father at that moment.

You've always been such a strong man.  The strongest man I've ever known.  Stronger than even my own father.  You were the matriarch of the family, holding us all together. 

I didn't want to let you go.  I know I wasn't to the Nursing home to see you very much but I was like mom, an emotional wreck, and it was hard to see you deteriorating the way you were with every passing moment.  I wanted to remember the strong man that once you were, that would load and unload the boat with your two grandchildren onboard.  You did that all on your own.  The one who helped David break into a trailer when neighbours locked their keys in their trailer.  


When the call came that everyone was called back to the nursing home I could only think of getting to your side.  I couldn't touch you at first.  But I did hug and kiss you before I left.  When I found out I asked the baby I lost to come and help you find your way.  I know now that you will watch over him and teach him the things I couldn't, the things you taught me, I think about the fishing trips that you and your brother and brother in law will take with my baby Lucas.  I know he's in wonderful hands and that none of you are suffering anymore.  


I will see you when this life for me is over.  I love you Grandpa and will miss you.  I'm glad to have had you for pictures for my wedding, and that you got to see my son.  I know you're watching over us all now and will be shaking your head at some of the things you do.  I know you weren't strict so much as you were trying to protect us all.  


Love you forever and always.

Staying strong and mourning at one time

No one ever said life was easy. Sometimes you don't get an easy start from the beginning and each day is a struggle just to survive.  Other times you start out strong, both physically and emotionally and by the time your number has come up you're weaker in mind, body and soul. 

I realized all of this this week.  Tuesday afternoon I got a text from my brother asking me if I was with my mom, whom I assumed was at work.  Wrong! He then proceeds to tell me that he got a call from my aunt saying that everyone was called to go to the nursing home, apparently grandpa wasn't doing well. A little bit later my aunt called and told me what was happening and said I could go up.  I had 45 minutes at this point before the child got off the bus.  I decided I'd go to dad's to tell Alex what was happening, then maybe go up to the nursing home for a little bit.  Glad I did. 

Wednesday was the snow storm (not that it was much of one) of 2011, so Alex had a snow day. I didn't make it to see Grandpa again.  All day Wednesday I was saying that after Leo got home I'd go up and see him.  Something held me back, something told me he'd be alright and I'd go up on Thursday with mom if she went up. By then it would be to late. 

Thursday night I went to bed around midnight only to be woken 4 hours later by the phone ringing.  Unfortunetly Leo got hit cause he didn't hear the phone and it was on his side.  As soon as he said it was mom's I knew it was over.  Grandpa had left this world and all of us behind.

I'm happy he's done suffering, and out of pain.  I'm not one to go to church, yes I believe there is another being out there but what or who it is I can't say.  Tuesday I looked out the window and told Lucas, my second son who unfortunetly was lost before he was born, that he could come and take papa. 

Can I just say that Alzheimer's is a BITCH!  My recomendation to everyone, no matter how many people read this blog, is take pictures of your loved ones as much as you can.  I don't have many pictures of my grandfather and I regret that.  I'm making sure now that when I go to see my dad I'll be taking the camera.

Grandpa Steckly. Will miss you everyday.